There is a big difference between the DO and BE of life – especially when losing a loved one to death is involved.
“What do I DO when someone loses a loved one to death?”
I hear this question often. People every day are faced with what to DO when a relative, friend or co-worker loses a loved one to death. We often feel helpless – at a loss for words. We give flowers, send cards, go to the visitation or funeral, make a phone call . . . ask, “what can I do.” More often than not, the object of our attention is in shock – numb and unsure of him/herself; unsure of what HE/SHE will do next; not even thinking about what WE can do for them. During times of loss, we feel the need to DO something when perhaps it is better to BE something.
What do I mean? Simply this. In all the flurry of activity surrounding the event of the loss, the simple power of our presence can be lost in the busyness. May I encourage you to focus on BEING there for your friend, family member or co-worker? Just BE there. No words necessary – just BE there! No harried activity – just BE there! Be there when all else have gone back to their normal lives. Be there on the anniversaries, the birthdays, the Holidays, the special milestone days – just BE there. BE there for the long haul.
Statements like “I can’t imagine what you must feel;” “I’m here with you;” “I’ll see you Tuesday afternoon . . .” “Tell me about him/her;” help tremendously! Questions like, “What do you miss most?” “What is the most difficult part for you right now?” ‘What was his/her favorite time of year?” “How did you two like to spend your anniversary?” can open the door for healing conversations.
The most important thing you can DO is to simply BE!
- Be real!
- Be present!
- Be consistent!
- Be interested!
- Be there!
You will BE amazed at the power of personal presence!
Peace!
Mark E. Hundley
