The Skin Horse of Velveteen Rabbit fame, is perhaps one of the wisest beings ever to grace this planet – in the flesh or written word. The wisdom imparted via the conversation created by Marjorie Williams between the Skin Horse and the Velveteen Rabbit is some of the most profound anywhere. The focus of this fairly well-known conversation is what is necessary for one to become Real.
This is the fifth post using this particular conversation. Thus far, we have discovered that Real is a process of becoming that takes a long time. We have also discovered that sometimes when one is Real, it hurts. In the last post we learned that Real doesn’t often happen to People Who Break Easily. Today’s post is given to the notion that Real doesn’t often happen to People Who Have Sharp Edges.
People Who Have Sharp Edges . . . think about it. How often do you run into people who have sharp edges? My guess is that it is fairly often. Perhaps more often than you are aware. People With Sharp Edges are difficult to be around; difficult to communicate with; difficult to love; difficult to embrace. They are just plain difficult to handle. You see, People Who Have Sharp Edges are defensive on all levels – mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and relationally. People Who Have Sharp Edges have experienced trauma in some form or another.
The levels and extent to which they have been traumatized varies. Some have experienced relatively minor trauma in life (that would be true for most of us), while others have experienced either pronounced, acute trauma or chronic trauma over longer periods of time. One of the ways we as human beings work to deal with the effects of trauma is to incorporate into our behavior, defense mechanisms that help us cope. Sometimes those defensive behaviors become so ingrained that we create sharp edges to keep others away. We create sharp edges to stay safe; to avoid pain; to preserve respectability; to maintain a sense of security; to control the amount and source of abuse we might experience.
When we begin to understand that defense mechanisms are employed to protect oneself from further pain or abuse, we have the key to helping ourselves and others build healthy boundaries rather than defensive walls.
The Skin Horse understood that when people who have experienced abuse or trauma contemplate becoming Real, they run the risk of retreating into a world designed to maintain a sense of control and safety because becoming real is a scary proposition. When this happens, sharp edges often develop. Sharp edges certainly keep others away and therein lies the problem. Sharp edges keep others away.
That is why People Who Have Sharp Edges find difficulty becoming Real. Is there an answer? Perhaps.
Earlier in this conversation, the Skin Horse shared that “when a child loves you for long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.” All too often in this world, we wind up playing with the feelings and lives of others and thereby causing sometimes irreparable pain. The answer lies in our ability to engage in love as close to that of a child as we possibly can. We must learn to love self and others in ways that imitate the unconditional love of a child. Giving and receiving love in this manner just might be the path to Real for People Who Have Sharp Edges.
Peace!
Mark E. Hundley
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