Every Step Has a Story

Between now and April 2011, I will be
sharing stories from folks who have experienced the death of a loved one
where children or adolescents were directly involved or affected. My
intent is to reveal the extent to which children, adolescents and
families are touched by the death of loved ones. Often, the stories will
reveal positive outcomes. At other times, the realities of of life will
find expression in hope unfulfilled. I'm hopeful that you will find
this segment in each newsletter and email to be helpful in some way.

A little over twenty years ago, I met Donna
one day while working out at the YMCA in Plano, TX. I had just
completed my first marathon to raise funds for a memorial scholarship in
Christy's memory and honor at the University of North Texas. The local
YMCA supported my efforts and in the process, posted my picture. Donna
recognized me and we began to talk about her experience.

Donna shared the following: "You know, Mark, I just celebrated my
fortieth birthday yesterday. As exciting as that should have been, I was
sad deep down inside."

I asked her why and she continued, "Well, I was reminded that twenty-two years ago when I was
eighteen, my mother died from breast cancer. I will never forget how
empty and lost I felt, but that was not the worst of it all. I was the
eldest of six children, the youngest being six. I will never forget the
afternoon after my mother's funeral when my dad came into the room and
addressed all of us kids. He said 'Your mother is dead. We will grieve
for the next two weeks and then we have to get on with life. There is
just too much to do to grieve any longer.'"

She shared further. "Being the eldest and a female, I took on
many responsibilities for raising my younger siblings. I graduated from
high school but delayed going to college because there was just too much
to do . . . and it was my job to see that all was done the way it
needed to be done."

I remember her eyes trailing off to some place in her distant
past as tears formed in her eyes. She said, "Mark, I have been two weeks into my grief for twenty-two years
now. What do I do to start healing?"

Donna's
courageous sharing of her story that day started her down her own
personal path to healing and grief reconciliation. Sharing one's story ~
as often as needed ~ is just one way to begin the process of healing.