Every Step Has a Story: The Cooper Family

There in the doorway stood Mrs.
Cooper and five stair-step children ages 15, 14, 8, 5 and 2. I say
"stood" when actually the two year old was in a stroller ~ right arm
wrapped in heavy bandages and left leg in a cast to the knee. I noticed
that Mrs. Cooper wore dark sunglasses and held tightly to the arm of her
oldest, a daughter. I knew from the intake that Mrs. Cooper struggled
with impaired sight.

As I invited them in and assisted in finding places for each one, I breathed a desperate prayer for guidance . . .

The horrific story outlined in the intake form was nowhere as horrific as the details as they unfolded in the first session.

It
seems that the patriarch of the Cooper family was a mean, cruel,
controlling and violent man. Mrs. Cooper shared that her husband would
often hold a loaded pistol to her head and threaten to kill her if she
did not follow his commands. As the two oldest girls entered
adolescence, his threats settled on their shoulders and into their
respective psyches as well.

The control he exerted over his
family was complete and all-consuming. The lingering effects of that
control was almost palpable as they sat meekly sharing their joint
story.

The reason for their presence in my office was that their
husband and father had died a violent death only a couple of weeks prior
to our appointment. It seems that one summer afternoon, the trailer in
which they resided caught fire. They desperately fought to escape the
flames that threatened all of their lives. In the midst of the inferno
that swept the dwelling, Mr. Cooper grabbed the youngest two and tossed
them through a small window in the middle of the trailer. Prior to that,
he had made sure the others were out of harm's way.

After he
tossed the youngest out the window, he was overcome by the smoke and
perished in the blaze. Mr. Cooper died a feared and hated hero.

The
conflicting thoughts, emotions and perceptions that tormented each
surviving family member created immense challenges for their treatment
and support. The task of providing appropriate support for the family
was too much for one therapist to handle alone. After that initial
session, we created a team treatment plan that included play therapy for
the younger children, group for the older ones and a team approach with
Mrs. Cooper ~ an approach where a female co-therapist worked with me to
provide Mrs. Cooper the comfort, stability and support she needed. As
part of the treatment plan, we also encouraged grief support group
participation at an area grief support center that served families with
children in the age ranges of the Coopers.

As is so often the
case, life got in the way. . . transportation became an issue . . . the
necessities of daily living squeezed therapy out of the picture . . .
and the Cooper family moved to another part of the country to be close
to extended family.

I often wonder how they are fairing.  The
children are no longer children and the mother is advancing in age. I
have no idea whether or not the interventions and support we sought to
provide proved adequate enough for their desperately complex needs. All I
can do is hope . . . and pray that a few seeds of comfort, love and
encouragement were enough to serve as a foundation for healing and grief
reconciliation.