Changes

I fully intended to post the October newsletter earlier this month; however, a series of changes ~ some anticipated and others not ~ created challenges that demanded attention. As this month has progressed I have been reminded once again of the seemingly random yet mysteriously orchestrated paths we travel in this life. I am hopeful that as you read this newsletter, you will find time to contemplate the paths you travel ~ the changes you encounter ~ the possibilities presented to you.

Mark

On Sunday October 10, 2010, my dear, sweet mother-in-law slipped through the thin veil that separates the temporal from the eternal. She was received into her eternal rest after a long and courageous battle with cancer and COPD.

A breast cancer survivor, Helen Moore also battled medullary thyroid cancer ~ a type of cancer that does not respond to traditional treatment protocols. She endured multiple surgeries, frequent trips to M.D. Anderson in Houston as well as chemo and radiation therapies. In her final months, COPD took its toll on her body. I don't know of a stronger woman anywhere.

Vanessa and I were in the room with her, holding her hands, stroking her cheeks and sharing words of love and comfort as she took her final breath. Those moments were both sad and sweet. It has been said that death is merely the extinguishing of the candle because the dawn has come. That phrase now has a new meaning for me.

She is sorely missed! The absence of her presence bears heavily on all who know and love her . . . and yet, she resides only a breath away in the next room. It has also been said that you cannot lose someone when you know where they are. We know where she is and are grateful for the rest she now enjoys.

I was honored to officiate at her funeral. At the graveside as we said our final farewells on this side of the veil, I closed with an adaptation of a line from "Hamlet." "Goodnight sweet princess and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

Thank you, Helen, for honoring our lives with your presence.

Change takes us by surprise from time to time ~ often in the midst of other changes that are completely unrelated. That was the case for me this month.

While Vanessa and I were dealing with the impending death of her mother ~ working to address all the issues related to that imminent event ~ an unexpected opportunity for change presented itself to me. Was I surprised? Absolutely! I felt as I was a character in one of the "Godfather" movies ~ receiving an "offer I couldn't refuse!"

The offer? Well, I was approached about becoming the Director of Boys & Girls Club Family Services Counseling Center in Collin County, TX! It seems that a stand alone non-profit center had approached the Boys & Girls Club of Collin County about absorbing them and providing services under the BGCCC umbrella. Long story made short ~ the acquisition was official in July of this year. When I met with the CEO of BGCCC, I felt as if I was stepping into a script written just for me! I was so anxious to accept that I think I asked "so when do I start" within the first fifteen minutes of our conversation.

From out of the Blue!

This conversation took place on Monday October 4. Helen died on Sunday October 10. Change within change wrapped up in a larger package of change. Isn't that the life is most of the time?

I am so grateful for this unique opportunity. The marriage of the BGCCC and this former stand alone center creates the first  Boys & Girls Club in the country with its own counseling center under its wings. So much potential! So many possibilities! So "out of the blue!"

Oh! I failed to mention . . . my commitment to the "Every Step Has a Story" 600 mile walk is fully supported by BGCCC! Yep! I'm still walking ~ and with the blessing and endorsement of my new "boss!" Cool! And on that note, I'll move on to news about the walk!

As you know, the original date for my 600 mile walk from McKinney, TX to Nashville, TN was scheduled for April 2011. In keeping with the theme of this newsletter, a significant change of plans has occurred related to the "Every Step Has a Story" walk. Instead of the spring of the year, I will be making my trek in the fall of the year instead! The new date for the "Every Step Has a Story . . . a Journey of Hope" walk is now October 2011!

This change in schedule actually helps me out in several ways!

First, I will have a bit more time to train for the 20 – 25 miles per day I will travel.

Second, Lyons Entertainment the company that will make the documentary film of this event, has indicated that the change actually works to our advantage from their perspective in that the new time frame will allow them more time to plan. It also gives them the opportunity to bring in producers that will likely open doors for funding the film and possible distribution through PBS. Obviously, talks continue along these lines, but the possibilities are exciting indeed!

Third, pushing the date back allows for more time to secure funding for both the film and walk. Initial contacts have been made with State Farm as a potential sponsor and others are in the works.

Fourth, the new date provides more time to recruit and secure sponsors for the "town hall meetings" in each stop along the route ~ the venues where the "Real" stories will be shared by those in attendance. After all, the story of this walk is not about a 50 something bald man from Texas walking 600 miles! It is about providing a platform for children and teens who have experienced the death of a loved one to share their intensely personal journeys in a public forum ~ forum that will hopefully encourage more open conversation about the scope and impact of childhood and adolescent loss issues!

Finally, the new date gives me more time to secure corporate sponsors for products and services needed for the project. Last week, I received confirmation that NIKE will provide me with shoes as minimum for this project! All very exciting!

So . . . please alter your calendar and mark October 2011 as the new date for Every Step Has a Story . . . a Journey of Hope!

On October 7 and 8 I found myself in French Lick, IN at the French Lick Resort participating in the Fall Meeting for the Kentucky – Southern Indiana Northwestern Mutual Financial Services Agency. My topic for this meeting was "Death Benefit Delivery: What Do I Do Now?"

Part of the work I do with life insurance and financial services professionals focuses on informed, compassionate and caring delivery of benefits to beneficiary families in the aftermath of the death of an insured loved one. As is often the case, I was available for the remainder of the meeting beyond my presentation which gave me time to visit with individual agents. During the comfort of small group or one-on-one conversations, I routinely hear personal stories from agents. This trip was no different.

On this particular trip, I found a common thread in three of the stories that I would like to share with you.

The Hole in My Heart ~ Jim (not his real name) was fifteen when his life was altered forever. Coming home from school on a fall afternoon, Jim anticipated a late afternoon game of catch with his father, a local minister. Seeing the family vehicle gone, he assumed that his dad had been called out to perform some ministerial duty. As he walked into the kitchen, his mother said, "I told your father that you would be home soon ~ that he should wait to make the call. It wasn't an emergency after all, but you know your father." Jim indicated that he knew what she meant.

Instead of going outside, he decided to lie down on his bed and rest. He went into his room, turned on the radio and stretched out for a quick nap. Living in a small town meant that local news was a big deal. Jim closed his eyes and began listening to the music. At the very moment the DJ broke in with the words, "We have a breaking story," Jim sat bolt upright in bed ~ an eerie sense of impending doom sweeping over him. At some level, he KNEW that the breaking story had something to do with his father.

the DJ indicated that there had been a fatality accident on the Interstate and that traffic was backed up in both directions. Jim immediately ran to the kitchen where his mother's face confirmed that they shared matching intuition about the news.

Within about 20 minutes, the local sheriff showed up at their house and shared that Jim's dad had indeed been involved in the accident and was pronounced dead at the scene.

As I sat across from Jim, his eyes drifted back to a time that created an enormous amount of pain in his life. After a moment' silence he said, "That day tore a hole in my heart that exists even today . . . that experience is why I chose to be in the life insurance business."

Someone Make the Dog Stop Barking ~ Tammy (not her real name) picked me up from the airport in Louisville, KY. During the hour drive north to the resort, we had a chance to visit and exchange a few life stories. Tammy is an exceedingly energetic and intelligent young woman ~ articulate, driven, excited about her work! I asked about what attracted her to the life insurance business and she shared her heart.

It seems that when Tammy was ten years old, her mother suffered a heart attack early on a Saturday morning. She awoke to the realization that something was not right when the dog would not stop barking. She recalled saying, "Would someone make the dog be quiet please? Please?" She said this several times with no response. She got up out of bed, opened her bedroom door and walked to the railing outside her second story room. As she looked down, she saw her mother being wheeled out on a gurney. Her father spoke not a word as she was left alone in the house ~ confused, dazed, scared.

In a few minutes, a neighbor came in and stayed with Tammy until her father returned with the news that her mother had not survived. That news did not make sense ~ it did not sink in! She had difficulty embracing what she was told. She does not remember the funeral. She does not remember the first several months after her mother's death. She indicated that her mother traveled a lot for her job so it was not unusual for her to be gone for days at a time.

Tammy shared that almost a year after her mother's death, she awoke on a Saturday morning to the barking of her dog. In that moment, the entire scene from a year before came flooding back and she sat on her bed and wept ~ alone.

Tammy shared that although her memories of high school without her mother are sketchy she knows that the experience shaped her life. In fact, she shared that the reason she works in the life insurance business is as a direct result of her mother's death. She runs the "Client Service Center" where "orphan" policy holders (clients who bought a policy from an agent who is no longer in the business) find service, guidance and direction when they have a need related to life insurance. Oh, as part of her work, she helps to process approximately 400 death claims a year . . .

My Brother . . . ~ The final story I share today is brief. Frank (not his real name) sat listening to the stories of others in a group and then touched my shoulder. He said, "Let me tell you about my brother. He is why I do what I do today."

It seems that when Frank was twelve, his seventeen year old brother was killed in an automobile accident. Frank adored, idolized and worshipped his brother. When he died, Frank was devastated ~ not to mention that his family was crushed as well!

Tears welled in Frank's eyes as he worked to recount the experience. He struggled to piece together a sentence that was not punctuated by attempts to swallow back sobs of grief. Finally, Frank gave up. He looked a me and with tears flowing freely down his cheeks, said, "I'm here because of my brother. I don't want what happened to my family after his death happen to other families." With that he ducked his head and wept silently. I put my arm around his shoulder, hugged him tightly and shed a tear of my own.

The common thread? All three of these amazing adults chose to invest their hearts, souls and professionalism into a business that addresses the unwanted, the unthinkable, the inevitable as a result of their loss experiences as children or teens.

Just three more reasons why "Every Step Has a Story" is so important.

Thnank you for reading and sharing this information with friends, family and co-workers! I am hopeful that you will find the information helpful as you negotiate your own personal journey through this life. Be looking for more stories from the road. Until next time . . . Peace!