I sat alone on the patio under a full moon late one night some nineteen years ago seeking to ponder the imponderable — working the best I knew how to make sense of the senseless. The improbable — the unthinkable had driven me to that place on that particular evening. I was determined to find a way to start over — to make something new and different of my life. Hell! I certainly owed it to myself; but more importantly, I owed it to my seven year-old daughter who slept peacefully mere feet away on the other side of the glass. Just barely four months earlier perhaps one of the most devastating "mean times" of our lives plowed into us with the speed and destruction of a runaway freight train. On January 24, 1989, my wife Christy — Kacie’s beloved mother — died as a result of injuries she received in a car accident on her way to teach English at Plano East Senior High School!
Still muddling through in a sort of emotional and mental fog, I had decided to quit my job, go back to school so I could devote precious time to Kacie and find a new direction for myself. There I was on June 6, 1989 — my birthday no less — about to go back to college fourteen years after graduation and start all over again! What was I thinking? What if I failed? What if I couldn’t cut it? What if . . . I was terrified!
Having begun weekly therapy sessions within two weeks of our tragedy, I was working diligently to find ways to begin reconciliation of that loss — to find ways to heal the gaping wound left by her departure, fearful that my life’s essence would seep out before I could close that horrid gash. I was looking for a fix — anything that would make the pain go away; anything that would get me "there" quickly. As I sat brooding that still, clear moonlit evening, a short phrase surfaced in my consciousness. "Life is a Struggle!"
So quietly and unobtrusively it came that I almost missed the statement’s inherent power. I quickly rewound the statement in my head and a penlight of insight flickered to life. "Life is a Struggle! LIFE is a STRUGGLE!" Certainly what had happened to us was not fair, but where is the guarantee that life comes with a "fair" clause? "Life is a Struggle!" Where is the contract that says life is or should be easy? "Life is a Struggle!" The more I thought about that phrase, the more I was able to embrace it’s truth. In so doing, I began to sense the beginnings of new directions. That one phrase served as the starting point for what ultimately would emerge as what I call the "Relationship Grid" — but more importantly, it served as the key to my healing!
I’m not sure I know anyone who really "loves" to struggle, but have you noticed that "struggle" seems to have become a four-letter word? I hear it all the time from parents of students — "My son is struggling. Please let him drop his math class." I hear it almost daily from students — "I am struggling with _______, can’t you give me something easier to do?" I hear if frequently on the streets — "I’m tired of struggling! I thought this would be different!"
The efforts to avoid struggle appear to be almost rampant! But folks — LIFE IS A STRUGGLE! Now this does not mean that life has no joy or happiness or fulfillment — NO WAY! It simply means that the essence of life is struggle. Without struggle, there is no growth; no understanding; no insight; no wisdom; no relationships; no love — no butterfly either, by the way. M. Scott Peck in his book The Road Less Traveled, begins the entire volume with the phrase, "Life is Difficult."
So when did struggle become a bad word? If we stop long enough to evaluate the struggles in our lives, I believe that we might see value in the process. I believe that we might be reminded of meaningful relationships created in the midst of our struggles. I believe that we might celebrate the power of our humanity. Is "struggle" a four-letter word? I truly think not!
I have two questions for you today: First — What is the last struggle you faced in your life (perhaps you are in the midst of it now)? Second — What lessons can you share with others as a result of that struggle?
What insights and wisdom have you gleaned from your struggles? Share your perspective!
Peace!
Mark Hundley
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
