This is likely to be a shorter entry than in the past due to the fact that my "left wing" is broken. I know, 55 year old men don’t have any business pretending to be 25 and playing softball attempting "all-star heroics" — but, like Brad Paisley says in his song, "I’m still a guy!" And you know what THAT means!
Since Monday night, I have been spaced out on pain meds, restricted by a shoulder splint and sleeping!! That last part hasn’t been so bad! Tomorrow, I visit the ortho doc to see what if anything else is going to be required. Oh, did I forget to mention that my "mishap" occurred on the very first play of the game?? REALLY!! As one friend said, "Mark, that is one ‘mean time,’ bro!" Yep! Sure is!
This week has given me time to reflect a bit on the "mean times" that others face routinely. Having just one good arm has given me a deeper understanding of and respect for those out there who must contend with disabilities of any kind. My sense of frustration this week cannot begin to compare with that of those who each day deal honorably with physical challenges much worse than my temporary one. Some are born with the challenges they face while others inherit them through some traumatic event — illness, accident, war injury. These people face choices each day as to how they will go through life — as a victim or a victor. Most I see choose the path of victor though not without struggle.
Reflecting this week has also caused me to re-visit the evolution of the word "dependence" as it relates to dealing with life’s "mean times." There are actually four phases of dependence that make up this evolutionary cycle.
First is Dependence — being totally or completely at the mercy of another for most necessities in life. Babies are dependent on parents and other caregivers for their actual survival! Without the loving support of another human being, infants would not thrive and ultimately cease to live. In a much smaller way, every time we face a debilitating injury (physical, mental, emotional or spiritual) the possibility exists that we will find ourselves dependent on someone for a short period of time until we re-gain our bearings; re-capture our faculties; resume our activities. I know that I have been dependent on my wife to some degree this week for some of the most basic things that I routinely take for granted. Bathing; dressing; getting up from the sofa; buckling a seat belt; carrying out the trash. You get the picture. However humiliating and frustrating it may be for us, there are going to be times when we find ourselves dependent on the care and assistance of another human being. These times help remind us of our humanity and connectedness to those around us.
Second is Co-Dependence. I will deal with this last.
Third in this cycle is Independence — the state that so many of us strive for as the ultimate pinnacle of arrival! I so often hear from high school students their passionate desire to be independent — free from mom and dad! Free from restrictions! Free from curfews! Free from school! Free from rules! FREE! As we all know, independence doesn’t mean what we think it means all the time. Sometimes our expressions of independence create situations where being dependent on mom and dad or some other authority figure wouldn’t be so bad after all! Right? Still, independence is a crucial step in our development. It is important to establish a positive personal identity that is not dependent on the opinions of others. It is important to seek responsible financial independence in order to establish ourselves as contributing members of society. It is important to develop a professional independence in order to create and follow a personal mission of purposeful service to our fellow man. It is important to build personal independence so that we can become a more complete person thus bringing value to relationships into which we enter. Independence is important, but we cannot stop the cycle there!
The final phase in this evolutionary process is Interdependence — the ability to maturely depend on one another. John Donne wrote, "No man is an island, entire of itself . . ." His statement refers to the interconnectedness of man. What we must realize is that at some level, every event on this planet affects each one of us to some degree — arguably, some events are closer to home and therefore touch us more intimately — but nothing happens on this rock that does not alter or add to our experience of being human. The more often we realize, recognize and respond to this truth, the more likely we will be to make choices that positively influence the world around us and perhaps the world at large. The Tipping Point is a book that examines how small events or a series of small events can ultimately turn the tide in any situation in very big and powerful ways! I believe that understanding the dynamics of Interdependence may just be the key to setting the tipping point into action more often.
Oh! I almost forgot — Co-dependence! Wow! This is the phase in the evolutionary process of dependence that creates more trouble and heartache than we can imagine. One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by people in order to survive situations in which they are experiencing great emotional pain and distress. This definition most often applies to individuals in romantic relationships, but can arguably apply to a broader range of relationships as well. As I look at the world in which we live, I often think that we are in ONE BIG CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP around the globe. Look at all the problems we face — the ever widening gap between the rich and the poor; the haves and have-nots; the powerful and the impotent; the boss and the "bossee;" the husband and the wife; the parents and the children; partners; the violent and the meek; the satiated and the starving; the perpetrator and the victim; the good and the bad; the dark and the light. And the list could go on ad nauseum.
Here is my question: What might happen if we all paused and analyzed the various relationships in which we find ourselves — paying particular attention to those in which we feel powerless; defeated; ignored; abused; cast aside? Further, what might happen if we began to purposefully take steps to engage the evolutionary process of dependence working toward the position of Interdependence instead? Impossible you say? Perhaps — but what harm is there is working at it — exploring the possibilities?
Could our attitudes about our job change? What about the relationship with our significant other? What about the relationship with our lawmakers? Our children? Our parents? Our teachers? Our friends? Our dreams? Our competitors? Our allies? Our enemies? Our . . . ?
What "broken wing" is keeping you from breakng free and flying to new heights of personal discovery — of experiencing the Power of Interdependence? Go ahead! Start the Process! I dare you!
Peace!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
