Paul Harvey used to have a program that aired where he would take the listener behind the scenes of a story that might or might not have been well-known. He called this clever exploration, “The Rest of the Story.” I loved hearing about all the information that was not obvious or that well-known, for that matter. The Rest of the Story provided a great deal of insight and often, inspiration.
The same may be said for any one of us. You see, There’s Always a Back Story!
All too often, we form opinions and make judgments based solely on the headline or sound bite. This applies to opinions about people and events alike. We jump to conclusions; rush to judgments; embrace assumptions without seeing the whole picture.
A poignant example of this comes to mind in a story taken from Stephen Covey’s wonderful book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I share that story with you now: Covey writes, “I remember a mini-paradigm shift I experienced one morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly – some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing. It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?” The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.” Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, and because I saw differently, I thought differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. “Your wife just died? Oh, I’m so sorry! Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?” Everything changed in an instant.”
I will always remember the first time I read this powerful story! It caused me to begin looking and listening for any hint of the Back Story when dealing with people or taking in media reports. It changed my life!
Everyone has a Back Story! Everyone! Instead of making quick judgments, I wonder what might happen if were were to do the following before solidifying an opinion:
- Slow Down
- Think
- Evaluate
- Listen
- Empathize
- Respond
I have a feeling that things might change. We might find more common ground with others. We might learn an important life lesson. What we THINK we see or know might not be the whole story; for you see, There’s Always a Back Story! We just need to care enough to find out what it is.
Peace!
Mark E. Hundley
