Here I am on day 146 of my 365 day personal writing challenge. For the past several posts, I’ve focused on writing about the Confessions of a Recovering Bapticostal. When yesterday rolled around, I knew it was time for a respite from those confessions. I discovered that I have a few more things to process before I continue sharing those confessions.
When I awoke this morning, wondering about what brief series to pursue next, only a few minutes passed before I knew. Like a bolt out of the blue, the topic hit me – Things That Bug Me! I’m guessing that as I write over the next few weeks, some of these things will resonate with you as well. The reason? I’m not so sure we are all as different or unique as we think. Now I’m not saying that we are carbon copies of one another. That would be ludicrous. We all possess unique personalities and talents. What I am saying is that I believe certain behaviors bug us all. If they don’t, perhaps they are behaviors we choose to either ignore or protect because they are some of our behaviors. We shall see.
Arrogance tops my “Bug Me” list. Why you ask? Fist of all is the definition. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines arrogance as: “an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.” I don’t know about you but just reading the definition causes my stomach to knot. When was the last time you were in the presence of arrogance? See what I mean? It was not a pleasant experience was it? What did you want to do? Run? Leave? Fight? Tell them off? Tell them to chill?
The second reason is best detailed from real life. Let me share a brief story with you.
Approximately 17 years ago, I was working with a student. He was generally a likable young man. I routinely enjoyed visiting with him. As is sometimes the case, students want to impress teachers, counselors or administrators. Very often when they seek to impress, they “put their best foot forward” in order to do so. After a relationship has been established, they sometimes drop any facade they have put forth and allow who they really are to come through. I love it when the “best foot forward” turns out to be the “real deal.” I’m often disappointed when the two don’t match. Back to the story . . .
It seems that this young man found his way to my office five days in a row. Each time, we carried on a rather animated conversation about things taking place in his life and each time, he demonstrated an uncharacteristic display of arrogance. That bugged me. Finally on day five, a Friday, I addressed the issue with him. I said something like, “You know, I really like you and believe you have a bright future ahead; however, I have a concern I need to mention to you. I’ve become concerned about your recent display of arrogance toward others and in our conversations.” I’m not sure what I expected but I was a little surprised. He had no idea what arrogance was. I was flabbergasted. I took a few minutes to explain it to him and he seemed genuinely perplexed. Although our conversation ended amiably, a nagging sense of frustration remained.
The following Monday morning, I was notified that the parents of one of my students wanted to see me. They were there without an appointment (which was not unusual) so I invited them in. By the look on their faces, I knew the ensuring conversation had the potential to go south if not managed carefully.
The very first thing they said was something like, “We don’t appreciate the way you talked to our son on Friday.”
Feeling a bit confused, I responded with, “OK, well would you mind helping me understand what I said that has you so concerned?” That was not a good response on my part because their faces immediately clouded with anger and disgust.
The mother said to me (rather indignantly, I might add), “You called our son arrogant! We don’t use that kind of language around our house! How dare you call him arrogant!”
I was taken aback! I stumbled a moment and then said, “You know, I recall using the word arrogant in our conversation on Friday and did so to attempt to help you son evaluate his behavior. You see, I really like your son and want to see him be the best person he can be.” Wrong thing to say!
In response she said, “We don’t need your help, thank you!” She then took out a pad and pen and said, “We are going to take notes on this conversation. We want to make sure we write down everything you say.” I immediately understood some of the reasons behind my young friend’s struggle with arrogance.
I stopped, smiled and said, “Hold on a minute.” I reached in my desk and pulled out my own pad and pen and said, “Thanks. Now I’m ready. I have my pad and pen and will be taking notes as well. You see, I want to make sure I write down everything YOU say as well.” They both looked shocked. Their jaws dropped. I waited for them to speak. They did not. After a few moments I suggested, “Why don’t we all put our pads aside and talk about how we can help your son become the best version of himself. I’m on your team. I’m really not the enemy.”
They sheepishly put their pads away and we talked about how to help their son. The conversation did not last long. They never called back. Their son continued to visit my office periodically. I don’t know what happened to him. I can only hope he pondered his behavior and adjusted it accordingly. I can only hope . . .
Peace!
Mark E. Hundley
