Three years ago, I published this post. I was shuffling through some past writings and ran across it. Thought you might find it interesting. Hope you like it the second time around!
One out of Three Ain't Bad!
This title sounds a little like an early Clint Eastwood movie – i.e. "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly! Suffice to say that this has nothing to do with Westerns and certainly nothing to do with Clint Eastwood! Heck! I don't even KNOW Clint Eastwood! Further, although some of you might venture to guess that the title refers to me — NOPE! Not even close; however, I do have one of those descriptors down pat — No, not the old part — the BALD part! I'm moving toward old, but not quite there!
My Dear Friend
The three descriptor reference in the title actually refers to an old friend of mine — perhaps yous as well! The renowned "Skin Horse" from The Velveteen Rabbit fame! HE is "The Old, The Wise & The Bald" and HE has something very important to say to us about how to handle the "mean times" in which we find ourselves and further, how to live in the "meantimes" that follow in the aftermath of a particular "mean times" event we experience. I am convinced that Margery Williams wrote this book for adults and disguised it as a children's book! I think she knew that we adults would sit down with children and read it to them all the while being forced to drop the facade of adult sophistication in order to do so. This vulnerability would then allow us to absorb the important life lessons embedded in this wonderful story!
So much focus has been cast in the direction of the little Rabbit and his journey to "Realness" that we often forget the person most responsible for his success — the good old Skin Horse! In an effort to shed appropriate light on his contributions, I will provide an annotated dissection of his sage words. Perhaps in so doing, we can all discover a deeper center from which to draw strength as we live each day!
A Closer Look
"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces." Right up front, we derive from this passage that the Skin Horse has been around quite a while having lived longer than anyone in the nursery. Now, on the surface, simple longevity might cause us to assume maturity; however, that is not the case. We all know people who have lived many years and are as mature as a middle schooler — right? We see them every day driving down our freeways (perhaps even some of us could be lumped into that category, huh?), ordering coffee from Starbucks, chairing boards of major corporations, making decisions that affect millions of people, etc. Length of time on this planet does NOT guarantee maturity — or REALNESS — for that matter. We also discover that life has put him through quite a bit — bald patches on his coat, missing tail hairs and potentially unraveling stress on what holds him together! Sound familiar? Let's read on!
"He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys and would never turn into anything else." There we have it! The first indication that this old timer is indeed wise; however, we might find ourselves fooled if we simply took the word of another without proof! Proof? Yes, it is there! This guy has watched a long string of "would be's," — "flashes in the pan" — line up to strut their stuff on the stage of life with clear understanding that they were hollow in their core. They had nothing of substance holding them together. It is also found in the observation that those who must resort to "boasting and swaggering" do so to hide their lack of substance. Their fate is that of the "latest toy" — immediately cherished for their "bells and whistles" but destined for the scrap heap when the new wears off. Know any like that? Wait! There's more!
"For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it." Life has a way of balancing itself out — provided we hang around long enough or hold true to our values long enough to allow it to do its work. Obviously, the Skin Horse is one of those who has done so and done so quite successfully I might add! In fact, he is one of only a few who has achieved this noteworthy accomplishment. Apparently, the second factor that guarantees that maturity enhances longevity is that of experience. Somehow, experience generates a depth of maturity that time alone cannot produce. I know that I have encountered 15 year olds who are more mature than many adults simply due to the life experiences they have endured and learned from. I bet you know a few as well! It keeps getting better!
Enter the Velveteen Rabbit! "What is REAL? asked the Rabbit one day . . . Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?" Ah, one of the "meaning" questions we all ask of ourselves or others at some point in our lives! The young Rabbit has observed the kinds of personalities that the world at large defines as real and yet, we already know that those who depend on various forms of external motivations to jump start them are all destined for ruin eventually! The Skin Horse has already made that perfectly clear. I am sure that if this young fella had asked one of those unaware, "keyed up dudes" he would have received a completely different answer. (I find it fascinating that those who are most "unreal" often do not have a clue about their state!) No! The Rabbit knew — perhaps instinctively — to whom he must turn in his personal quest for "Realness!" It works! Let's continue!
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." Man wouldn't life be easier if we could just flip a switch and PRESTO, suddenly be all that we were meant to be? No struggles; no worries; no challenges — just instant success! On the surface that sounds great, but in reality any "instant success" might work to our detriment. It seems that we need time and effort and support in order to experience the failure necessary to guarantee real success! The conversation gets even heavier!
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." Ouch! That hurt a little! But, you know, the Skin Horse is correct! Becoming a real, mature person does indeed hurt sometimes. If becoming Real were a cakewalk, we'd have more Real People running around! No! We have a tendency to avoid pain or struggle or hardship or sacrifice in our world! Jim Fay identifies two different kinds of parents who tend to debilitate their children by feeding them false information about their abilities to function and cope successfully in life. He calls them "Helicopters" who "hover and rescue" or "Drill Sergeants" who "bark orders!" Both positions cripple self-confidence and communicate that children are not capable and therefore need others to rescue them or map out life for them! I am so glad the Rabbit has an honest, truthful mentor to shoot straight with him! Aren't you? Get ready for the really heavy part!
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time your are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." Wow! The little guy already knows the answer to his question — he has already heard it once — or has he? Perhaps he is asking the question in a different way. Perhaps he is asking to see if the Skin Horse believes he has what it takes to get to Real! The Old, The Wise, The Bald One remains true to his nature — he is honest! The unspoken affirmation comes in a contrasting explanation of the type of people who are NOT likely to ever become Real — those who "break easily," those who "have sharp edges" and those "who have to be carefully kept!" By phrasing his answer in this manner, the Skin Horse acknowledges the Rabbit's capacity to tap personal strength and resiliency to accomplish his goal. Those around us who will never become Real people strive to deter those of us who work toward Realness. You know what I mean — it happens each day in both subtle and obvious ways; however, if we stay the course there is a reward. We will have the support of those that really matter — those who understand! And . . . we WILL become Real!
Who in your life fits one of those three categories described earlier? How are they discouraging your journey toward Realness? What are you willing to do to surround yourself with "those who understand — who get it?" How might those choices positively affect your life right now?
One final word from the Skin Horse. He says," . . . once you are Real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always." When we face the mean times of life and we do so after discovering the value of living as a Real person, we can never go back to pretend that we don't know what we know! It just doesn't work that way!
May I encourage all of us to "Keep it Real?" I'm thinking Realness will see us through!
Until next time — Peace and . . . Realness!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
