A Purposeful Absence
I have been away from the keyboard for a while now — purposely I might add. I have been engaged in other writing projects that required more of my time and attention. As I reflected last evening about what to write, I drew a complete blank. I was somewhat fearful that I might have encountered that proverbial nemesis of writers — writer's block. Never one to give in completely to foundless fears, I simply told myself before drifting off to sleep, "Don't worry, you'll think of something in the morning!"
This practice has worked in the past and as anticipated, did so again. While drinking my morning coffee, I was drawn to the file cabinet. As I rifled through random files, I came across one labeled, Parable of the Twins. I had not read that parable in quite some time so I opened it and to my surprise, discovered the topic for this essay.
A Memorial for My Mentor and Friend
Dr. Byron Medler, Professor of Counseling at the University of North Texas, my mentor, my colleague and my friend, journeyed from this life to the next almost twelve years ago. I find myself in near disbelief that so much time has passed! Twelve years!
The reason I mention Bryon is because of what I found in that file. Instead of just the printed story of the Parable of the Twins, I discovered the transcript of Byron's memorial service — a service at which I officiated. You see, in another life (many years ago) I was a minister. Based on that history, I was honored to be invited to lead the service. It is a day I will never forget! As I read through my notes from that day in May 1997, I knew what I must write THIS day.
What follows is as close to word-for-word of that message as I am able to re-create. Many of the words are not my own, but taken from writings that may be familiar to many of you who read this. On this Good Friday 2009, I share with you a glimpse of Faith that I believe can find relevance for anyone — regardless of your Spiritual inclination. Much of what I write here has a Christian influence at its core, yet it is not an attempt to persuade anyone to abandon one faith and embrace another. On the contrary, I am hopeful that each reader will explore your own personal belief system and tap into the power of renewal, hope and purpose that your faith provides.
As you read this memorial, please reflect on the power of faith in the face of uncertainty.
On the Wings of Faith
We are here today to honor the life of a dear friend — Dr. Byron Medler. Byron has touched the lives of each person present here today; yet we are merely representative of the vast numbers of people influenced by this precious man during his all too short life on earth. This influence will live on in perpetuity as each of us shares his words of wisdom with clients, friends and family – words that are alive with purpose and meaning.
I can honestly say that Byron was one of the most "real" people I've ever known and perhaps ever will know! We often shared our mutual love of children's stories — stories written for children laced with wisdom for living life more completely. One of those we each loved was Margery Williams' story The Velveteen Rabbit. Please allow me to share a favorite passage from this beautiful story – a passage that describes the type of person Byron was.
What is Real?
"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others! He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise for he had seen a long line of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away. He knew that they were only toys and would never turn in to anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced, like the Skin Horse, understand all bout it!"
"What is REAL," asked the Rabbit one day when they were lying side-by-side. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"REAL isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time — not just to play with — but really LOVES you, then you become REAL!'
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are REAL, you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get lose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are REAL you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
Byron Medler was REAL to the core! The question here today is "How does one come to be REAL in this manner?" The answer to this question? FAITH! Now I know that there are likely as many definitions of Faith as there are people in this room; however, for our purposes today, I want to address Faith as a two-sided coin — where one without the other has no real value.
On the one side, Faith allows us Access to the Eternal Light! It punches a hole in the veil of uncertainty, struggle and confusion that surrounds our finite existence and connects us with the Infinite Power of the Creator. Faith enables us to carry this light from God throughout our daily existence as we learn to be real people, living in a real world, facing real tests and emerging with real wisdom and insight as a result of the journey.
Yet, each of us is troubled from one time to another with questions about what happens after we depart this world. We seek answers. The Scripture says that "He is; And He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him." So let us ask!
How does Faith in God address this question? Allow me to share with you a brief story entitled: The Parable of the Twins.
Once upon a time, twin boys were conceived in the same womb. Weeks passed and the twins developed. As their awareness grew, they laughed for joy: "Isn't it great that we were conceived? Isn't if great to be alive?!"
Together the twins explored their world. When they found their mother's cord that gave them life, they sang for joy: "How great is our mother's love that she shares her own life with us!"
As weeks stretched into months, the twins noticed how much each was changing. "What does it mean?" asked the one.
"It means that our stay in this world in drawing to an end," said the other.
"But I don't want to go," said the one. "I want to stay here always."
"We have no choice," said the other. "But maybe there is life after Birth!"
"But how can there be?" responded the one. "We will shed our life cord and how is life possible without it? Besides, we have seen evidence that others were here before us, and none of them have returned to tell us that there is life after birth. No, this is the end!"
And so the one fell into a deep despair, saying: "If conception ends in birth, what is the purpose of life in the womb? It is meaningless! Maybe there is no mother after all?"
"But there has to be," protested the other. "How else did we get here?" How do we remain alive?"
"Have you ever seen our mother?" said the one. "Maybe she lives only in our minds. Maybe we made her up, because the idea made us feel good?"
And so the last days in the womb were filled with deep questioning and fear. Finally, the moment of birth arrived.
When the twins had passed from their world, they opened their eyes. They cried! For what they saw exceeded their fondest dreams!
1 Corinthians 2:9 says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him."
This side of Faith allows us to believe in that which cannot be seen — to tap into the hope there is more to life than that which in tangible. It is the assurance that promises given are promises kept. It is the assurance that we cannot truly lose something if we know where it is! This side of Faith helps us look beyond the natural to the supernatural. It helps us create purpose and meaning in the temporal as we tap into the eternal.
The other side of this Faith coin is that True Faith permits, encourages and teaches us to mourn our losses. True Faith does not deny or minimize the effects of loss.
1 Thessalonians teaches us to mourn with hope. In the Beatitudes, Jesus tells us that those who mourn are blessed. 2 Corinthians 1:3-9 details God's Cycle of Comfort that empowers us to comfort others with the same comfort we ourselves have received through the process of embracing our struggles and pain. Jesus even expressed his human capacity to mourn over the death of his dear friend, Lazarus.
This side of Faith provides us with the strength and guidance to learn to Reconcile ourselves to life's many losses and Integrate them into the fabric of our lives. Grief is a natural process following loss. It is what we feel and experience. Mourning, on the other hand, is grief gone public. It is what we do with what we feel to externalize these feelings and experiences and create meaning, purpose and connection in our lives.
This double-sided coin of Faith about which I speak, makes it possible to join the infinite with the finite; the spiritual with the natural; the immortal with the mortal.
In this moment, we pause to absorb the power of that kind of Faith. C.S. Lewis wrote in the Screwtape Letters, "The present is the point at which time touches eternity."
Byron Medler — our friend, our colleague, our mentor, precious father, grandfather and sibling to those of his family — experienced this type of Faith. He demonstrated this fact by the way he lived his life; by those he touched; by those he influenced; by those he encouraged and endorsed. Byron Medler was and is a Real Person!
Heaven is our eternal home, yet we struggle with the process of leaving this temporary place and our physical confines for the other side. It has been said that we are spiritual beings on a human journey. This world and our feeble clay dwellings are not our final destination. Death, for the one who possesses the kind of Faith described here, is merely the extinguishing of the candle because the Dawn has come.
Psalms 116:15 says, "His loved ones are very precious to him and he does not let them die lightly." I believe that William Shakespeare understood this when he wrote, "Good night sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."
We bid farewell for only a short time to one whom we have loved and who loved us. As we seek to develop this same kind of Faith, we anticipate a reunion on the other side where joy abounds, hope is fulfilled and light is eternal.
Because of this Faith, I can say of Byron, as did the angel say of Jesus on Easter morning, "He is not here. He is risen!"
A Final Word
I know that this essay is somewhat different than my others. My hope is that you will spend time exploring your own personal beliefs and seek ways to incorporate them into the fabric of that which you work to create in your own life! In the Mean Times of life — this Double-sided coin of Faith is a commodity that cannot be abandoned. It must be invested! Invest wisely and broadly!
Until next time . . . Peace . . . and . . . Faith!
Mark
Copyright 2009 Mark E. Hundley
