The REAL Question!
Actually — more to the point — "WHERE . . . IS . . . GOD???? DAMN IT!!!
Now, before some of you become unnecessarily offended by the previous statement and sign off without reading further . . . I ask you to stay with me a bit! I have no intention of offending anyone! On the contrary, I am hopeful that this essay will open our eyes a bit when it comes to dealing with people in the middle of crisis! God certainly hears that — and more — from people as they battle life in all of its complexity! If HE can handle it, certainly we can as well if only for a few moments! After all . . . He is God and we're not!
The question/statement, "WHERE . . . IS . . . GOD???? DAMN IT!!!" is one I have heard countless times in various ways over the last 18 years working with hundreds of individuals and families as they struggle with the impending death or the aftermath of the death of a loved one. Quite frankly, this question demands attention — and not the kind that simply throws impotent cliches and one-liners in the direction of the hurting in hopes that they will "find comfort," "love God" and "go about their business!" No! It requires embracing the difficult — the uncertain — the inexplicable and working to establish some practical framework within which to explore its gravity!
The Context of Life
I was awakened at 4:00 am yesterday by a tickling in my ear. As I reached to scratch, my finger encountered something moist. I was immediately awake! My first thought was that perhaps I had been bitten by a spider or mosquito and had inadvertently coaxed the bite to weep or bleed. As I closed my thumb and index finger together, the wet substance was not sticky like blood. It absorbed into my skin almost immediately on contact. Then I realized that the tickling sensation in my ear had been caused by a tear sliding down the side of my face — a tear shed during my sleep. How very strange!
I got up out of bed and walked to the study in the still darkness of the early morning hour. As I sat on the sofa contemplating the lone tear that had awakened me, I realized its source! I have shared with you about the situation concerning Brian and June and you have been so very kind in lifting them in your prayers. The source was Brian and June. You see, I spoke with June two days ago and she shared that Brian is not doing well at all. He is in the hospital again — white blood count down to 0 — body riddled with cancer — unable to function normally — fighting for his life! And June? Well, June is June — kind, compassionate, caring, loving and concerned. Not one given to think of herself, she works to find ways to reach out to others in THEIR need! Despite her strength and courage, June is hurting too — very deeply! She is taking care of herself through all of this — she is neither pretending to be "OK" nor minimizing the personal toll this situation is exacting. I admire that in her! I sometimes marvel at the strength and tenderness of this unique lady. I also learn from her.
Yes, the source of my awakening tear was their situation. Although June has not openly asked the question of the moment to my knowledge, I certainly have! It just seems so unfair — so unnecessary — so uncalled for!
As I sat contemplating the question I have heard hundreds of times — often holding the hands of those stricken with the intense pain of grief — I was reminded of some very important information.
Possible Answers
First, as it relates to the question at hand, Philip Yancey wrote a book some time ago entitled, Where Is God When It Hurts? Without going into a long discussion of his addressing of the issue, his answer may be summed up in these two short sentences: "He is in YOU, the one hurting! Not in IT, the thing causing the pain!" What a profound concept! He is in US when "mean times" come! He is in US as we seek to live through the "meantimes" working to create a new normal in the process. He is in US and not IT creating havoc to get our attention! Oh there is much room for theological debate here, but not now! I have to remember that in everything that happens, He is working to create good in our lives — even in the most despicable and desperate of times — working from the inside out to make a difference in and for us.
I remember Kacie coming to me about three or so months after her mother died asking me: "Dad! Why did God take my mommy away from me?
How would I answer that question? I thought a moment then happened to notice her favorite doll lying on her bed — one of the American Girls Collection we had given her for Christmas just prior to Christy's death. I reached for the doll and asked, "This is your favorite doll right?"
"Yes, Daddy!"
"And this is your doll because we gave it to you, right"
"Yes, Daddy!"
Then I said, "Kacie, what if I told you that this really was not your doll after all — that we had given it to you simply to play with and that it was actually my doll because I still have the receipt that tells me so?"
She looked at me quizzically and I continued. "Further, what if I told you that since it is really my doll that I can take it back anytime I want to and that I decided today is the day I want it back?"
Her confusion increased.
"Kacie, what if when I took the doll away from you then right in front of you, pulled its arms and legs off; tore its head out of its body; ripped its clothes to shreds; threw it in the trash can; and then held out my hand with a smile and asked you to go get some ice cream with me — what would you do?"
She twisted her face into an agitated snarl and said, "I would be very angry and kick you!"
I said, "I'm sure you would, Honey! It's for that reason that I cannot say that God took your mommy away from you. You see, He feels the same way you do about what happened. Every time you cry, He cries. Every time you hurt, He hurts. Every time you are lonely, He is there with you."
He is in US, the ones hurting. Not in IT the thing causing the pain! I am not so sure that the sovereignty of God means exactly what the majority wants to make it mean. I think it may mean something even bigger and more complicated; however, the bottom line is that He is there with, in and for us — PERIOD!
Second, I was reminded of the necessity to pay attention to the basics — the foundational components of life that help create meaning in the madness of the mean times. Many of those foundational components can be wrapped up in the single package of Belief!
One of the most powerful songs of which I am aware that addresses the efficacy of belief when seeking to answer the posited question is Brooks & Dunn's Believe — the 2006 Academy of Country Music and Country Music Association Song of the Year! The song tells the story of Old Man Wrigley and a boy who strike up a long-term friendship. In the process of this unique relationship, Old Man Wrigley helps the boy understand the power of belief in something greater than himself; the power of relationships; and the power of self-knowledge. If you have heard the song, you know what I mean. If you haven't, you simply must buy the CD or download the song! Once you hear it, you will see how its messages relate to the question at hand.
When we face death — our own or that of someone loved — we must find a way to connect with that which is Bigger than we; that which is greater than our understanding; that which helps bring meaning to our lives. The perspective we can gain from this connection possesses the potential to help us understand that we are not alone — that purpose may be discovered as we explore our personal faith and values.
We must also find a way to connect with that which is Beyond our comprehension — the belief that life continues beyond what we see. The thin veil that separates us from life as we know it and life on the other side is just that — a thin veil. We must learn to pay attention to our intuition; our heart; our spirit as we reach into the unknown. We all have questions about what lies ahead. Our belief in the continuation of existence beyond the temporal can help bring comfort when we need it most!
In addition, we must find a way to connect to that which is Beneath us — that which carries us through times of uncertainty. I recently heard a powerful statement at a funeral service. The minister said something like this: "God has received this lovely woman into the Heavenly realm; He has not taken her. Believe me there is a Big Difference between "taking" and receiving!" The profundity of that statement continues to reverberate through my soul! The power of the Eternal could certainly take anything or anyone at any time — yet the truth of this statement (based in part on words found in John 14) reveals the gentle caring nature of the Eternal. As we step through that veil, we are received with dignity, respect and honor. That thought delivers peace in a package wrapped in Eternal Order rather than Random Eternal Ambiguity!
Third and finally, I was reminded that each of us will answer the question at hand in our own way, at our own pace and in our own time. What I shared above is meant only to provide one perspective that might be useful as we struggle to come to grips with the mystery of life and death. There are so many faith and belief systems — so very many! I am hopeful that this will be read by people from all belief systems! The purpose of this essay is to encourage each of us to explore and engage our individual beliefs and values as we seek answers — not to influence you toward mine. I believe that honest exploration will be honored with guidance, direction and power sufficient to the tasks associated with living life in the meantimes!
"WHERE . . . IS . . . GOD????" He/She is in and with you — the one hurting and struggling. Not in it — the thing causing you the pain!
Explore your Beliefs and experience Peace!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
