The first call this past Sunday morning set off a series of greetings and "happy" salutations that lasted into early evening. Yes, it was Father’s Day and I loved almost every minute of it! I say almost because that is the truth! There were some parts of the day that I didn’t enjoy that much, but I guess that can be said of any day in our lives!
The parts I enjoyed most were the greetings from my children and grandsons — oh, and my wife as well! Answering the phone and hearing a two and-a-half year old voice say, "Happy Favvers Day, Golgi" was just plain cool! Then to get a big hug from him a short time later just started the day out perfectly! Now, I have no shame when it comes to getting hugs from my grandsons and more were in store! Our second stop on "Hug Golgi Day" was to see the oldest and youngest grandsons who dwell under the same roof! The oldest GS was all smiles, jumping-up-and-down-excitement and ready with a resounding "Happy Father’s Day, Golgi" as he flew into my open arms! Youngest GS just smiled, cooed and drooled his greetings — then used my legs as an obstacle course on the floor! Cool!
Then there were the more mature hugs, kisses, greetings and cards — well, maybe the cards weren’t so mature, but they aren’t supposed to be, are they? I mean, really! The daughters and sons-in-law shared their sentiments with me and I with them. I loved every minute of it — every minute! What’s really cool is that I was receiving these wonderful expressions of love as a dad-step-dad-grandfather-step-grandfather all rolled into one and I didn’t even have to change hats to enjoy the fun!
After banking all that love, my wife and I set out to visit her mom — widowed two years ago on — you guessed it — Father’s Day! What a difficult day that was for everyone back then — still is in some ways. That was the part of the day that I didn’t enjoy quite as much. Seeing the lingering pain of that loss continue to manifest itself in my mother-in-law’s eyes reminds me that death losses are experiences we learn to live with with and never leave behind. Regardless, while on the trip we became trapped in a HUGE traffic jam that delayed us by almost two hours! Nothing else to do except inch forward and . . . THINK! And think I did!
All of us have fathers and some of us are fathers. Fathers come in all shapes, sizes and descriptions — tall, short or somewhere in between; skinny, athletic or rotund; bearded; clean shaven; bald (gotta love those guys!); balding or shamefully thick haired; funny; serious; reserved; boisterous. Some are silly; goofy; or geeky while others are sophisticated; mysterious; or austere.
They are called fathers; grandfathers; step-fathers; adoptive fathers; biological fathers; godfathers; surrogate fathers — pops; padres; dads; daddies; gramps! You get the picture! Some guys even have multiple monikers when it comes to defining their role! I know I have several after my name.
Fathers can be gentle; supportive; kind; loving; patient; giving; caring. Others can be harsh; demanding; unforgiving; AWOL; unavailable; untouchable; unreachable. They can also be whiners; climbers; ragers; thrashers; bashers; whackers; slackers. There are still others who are abusers; refusers; re-users; accusers.
Odd thing about fathers — often they are a unique combination of many of the characteristics mentioned above and then some!
No matter the makeup of our fathers, they taught us much — some good; some not so good; and some the jury is still out on! I was reminded Sunday that commercial holidays like Father’s Day often assume that all feelings about fathers are warm and fuzzy — but you and I both know that is not always the case. There are some whose fathers were and are anything BUT warm and fuzzy. Some have left and continue to leave wounds to our souls that are not easily healed.
Working with adolescents for over 37 years, I have seen the influence of both good and not so good fathers played out in the lives of their children. Many, many children walk our streets; stroll the halls of our schools; cruise our highways; play in our parks; park our cars; carry our groceries; serve us ice cream — many who have "fathering holes" in their lives that will be filled by either chance or by choice.
Fathers! Regardless of the lessons learned from our fathers, WE have a choice as to what kind of father WE will be! There is no dye cast mold to which we are held! We have choices! I know that each of us have run across men who have served to fill our "fathering holes" with information we failed to get from our own father. I could list several who have filled those holes in my life and you could too if given the chance. This exercise, by the way, can be very helpful! You ought to try it sometime!
I could go on and on about fathers and their influence on children, but I won’t. What I will do is throw out a challenge!
Here is the challenge: (1) Reflect on your life with your father and list the lessons you have learned or continue to learn from him — both positive and negative. (2) Determine which of those lessons have shaped your life the most thus far. (3) Decide which lessons to keep and enhance and which to cast aside or change. (4) Spend time looking around you to see if there are people in whose lives you can invest the best of yourself based on the "lessons worth living" you glean from this exercise (don’t forget to look in your own living room first). (5) Finally, invest in those people in some way — be a filler of "fathering holes" and let’s make a difference!
Ladies . . . if you have a significant "father" in your life, please share this information with him. There are no better teachers about being good fathers than women who have good fathers! Thank you!
Peace!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
