I read an extremely interesting article yesterday — June 22, 2008 — written by Alan Fram and Eileen Putman, two Associated Press writers! The article addressed the possibility that the seemingly never-ending series of challenging events harassing the people of the United States in recent months and years may actually be taking a toll on the psyche of our nation! The article addressed everything from floods, to famines; from rising fuel and food prices to power outages; from wars to poverty; from joblessness to food rationing. You name it, the article addressed it. There were even references to world-wide disasters that make what we here in the States are facing look minuscule in comparison.
Had I not already been thinking about the intensity of the life challenges facing us today, I might have been thrown for a loop — jarred out of a mindset of denial. That, however, was not the case. I had been brooding over some of the same events for several days prior to my reading of the article. Generally, when articles of this nature are written, some sort of silver lining halos the dark storm clouds on the horizon — leaving the reader with a sense of hope and confidence. I guess the most disturbing thing about this article for me personally was that the silver lining was not readily evident. Although references were made to past challenges faced by the people of our nation — wars; the Great Depression; stagflation; etc. — and the way we handled ourselves then, the faith expressed in our ability to tap that personal resiliency and resolve once again was underwhelming. The final line of the article read and I quote, "maybe this is what the 21st Century will be about — a great unraveling of some things long taken for granted."
That line reminded me of the final stanza of a poem by T.S. Eliot entitled "The Hollow Men" when he writes:
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
Could it be that the weight of the world is finally beginning to extract a costly toll on all we believe about ourselves; our possibilities; our power of choice? Could it be that we have lived so long under the illusion of control that we are now shocked to find that Life is a Struggle and because of that, often Lives are Shattered? I have addressed two of what I call The Four Givens in previous messages. Now seems to be a great time to share the third of life’s givens — Life Goes On!
I can’t think of a more frustrating realization than when in the aftermath of a personal tragedy, I look around me only to be reminded that although MY life has been altered, the lives of others around me appear to continue unscathed! I recall the early morning hours after my first wife’s death being completely surprised to find the sun begin to fill the eastern sky as it followed its duly appointed task of bringing light to the earth. I was further stunned that people were actually going about their business as if nothing had happened! Silly, isn’t it? I wanted to run into the middle of the street and shout, "What the hell is the matter with you? Don’t you know that my life has been crushed? Go back home! Go to bed!" But the reality is Life Goes On!
Sonny and Cher sang about it in their song, And the Beat Goes On back in the 60’s. Billy Joel’s song We Didn’t Start the Fire also addressed this given when it says:
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
Well, we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight it
Friends, the reality is that regardless of what happens to us — good, bad or indifferent — Life Goes On!
I am firmly convinced that it is not the fact that difficulties in life assault our collective and individual psyches that creates the biggest problems for us! No, I believe that our biggest problems come when we fail to take the time necessary to slow down a little; assess the situation at hand; tend to the immediate needs we have; grieve, cry and mourn over the changes brought on by the assault; inventory our available resources; ask new questions or at least old questions in new ways; re-group and rally support; devise a plan of action; and merge back into the traffic of life knowing that we have the ability to choose how we respond to life’s assaults — the "mean times!"
There are three distinct phases that we must acknowledge and address every time we face an assault from life — The Event, the Transition and the Continuation!
Within the complex structure of our society, we address life’s struggles by following strict protocol dictated by the social, religious, moral, economic and educational guidelines established over time. Whenever an Event occurs that constitutes a "mean time," we know exactly what to do; when to do it; generally how to do it; and for what length of time to do it. After the dutiful fulfillment of those tasks, we then move back to "life as it was" generally pressuring those most immediately affected by the Event to follow suit and join in. We work to go straight from the Event to the Continuation without much thought as to whether or not we are ready to do so.
You don’t believe me? How many days are you allowed off work for the death of an immediate family member? Two? Three? I’m sure you can come up with other examples of this sometimes subtle sometimes obvious pressure to "do what you have to do, then get back on track" mentality that often governs our policies, procedures and actions.
The phase we pay little if any attention to is the most crucial of all — the Transition! You see, how we maneuver through the time of transition determines how well we are able to Continue on with life. The Transition — slowing down to do the things mentioned earlier (see the red) — can mean the difference between continuing on in life with more awareness; more personal power; more focused resolve; more compassion and insight; OR working to continue under flawed sets of assumptions that might ultimately cripple us, keeping us from making healthier decisions in life.
I think I have more to say about this on a more global perspective, but that can wait until a later time. Here is the challenge: Instead of following your typical path through the "mean times" you face (that is assuming you typically try to move from the Event directly to the Continuation) what would be the harm in copying down the information listed in red above and allow that new protocol to guide you through?
Perhaps things could be different — more positive for you! Perhaps you could create that silver lining! Perhaps you could more effectively tap your personal resiliencies! Perhaps . . .
Peace!
Mark
Copyright 2008 Mark E. Hundley
